Why Am I So Angry All The Time?
Has this ever happened to you?
Your alarm goes off, you’re exhausted. You drag yourself out of bed to get dressed but the shirt you were going to wear is in the wash. Your curse internally. You are now running late and don’t have time for breakfast but decide to make a coffee to go before you realise you don’t have milk. You swear out loud. Now you’re officially running late to work. You get in the care and drive down your street turning onto the main road to immediately hit traffic. At this point you lose it and start hitting the steering wheel and swearing and waving your arms at the car in front of you. You’re so angry.
If any of the above rings true to you, you’re not alone. Anger is a really really common (and normal) emotion. Sometimes we need anger, it drives us, it protects us. The problem is when anger comes quick to the surface or if we hold on to this anger for too time. The difficulty with anger is though it feels (and often is) valid in the moment, it can lead to some pretty negative consequences for us or for the people around us. We often hear our clients tell us of stories where they’ve got angry and lashed out to a loved one and then immediately regretted it and struggled to manage the guilt and shame afterward. Other clients have spoken of feeling angry ‘all the time’ and inevitably feeling exhausted or run down because it’s such an intense emotion to carry all the time.
So why do we feel angry?
In short, for a lot of reasons. Sometimes we’re angry because we see it as a protective emotion, it can mask sadness or fear. Sometimes we’re angry because we’re exhausted and stretched thin. Sometimes we’re angry because we feel undervalued or under appreciated. Sometimes we’re angry because we don’t feel good about ourselves.
How do I manage my anger?
The good news is there’s some really great tools to help manage your anger.
Slow your breathing - often when we’re in an hyperaroused state (very angry) our breathing quickens. One of the best methods to efficiently calm down is to slow your breathing. For one minute take one breath in every 3 seconds and one breath out every 3 seconds. This will help calm your body down and help you brain to think more clearly.
Slow down and ground yourself - As the above example shows, rushing can help fuel anger. We miss details or forget things, increasing our anger. Try to consciously slow down. Stop for a minute and look around the room, what is one thing you can see, one thing you can hear, one thing you can feel, one thing you can smell and one thing you can taste. This is will help your brain to focus and calm your thoughts.
Compensate by doing something you enjoy - sometimes distraction is key! If you feel yourself getting angry remove yourself from where you are and go and do an activity that calms you or brings you joy, this will help prevent you anger from escalating.
At Piece by Piece Therapies in Camberwell we are trained Psychologists that can help you, or your loved one, managed mood disorders. Anger is a common emotion we see clients often asking for help with. It can be really helpful to unpack the thinking around anger as well.
If this is something you might like additional support with, please click the button below to get in touch.
Happy breathing!